I daydream too much. It’s too easy to daydream when you’re alone and there are too many possibilities around. I left much of this trip up to whimsy and the other part of it up to Larsen. When she is here things will be more planned.
I have already found a favorite café called Ray’s Jazz in the Soho. The thing is that it’s actually the café for the Folley’s bookstore, which is basically London’s version of Barnes and Noble but way better. This café has character, from the diversity of Brits, French, Argentinians, Americans, and more to the chipping wooden floor boards. If the name didn’t already express it, there is an array of jazz music played throughout the day, which is what initially drew me here, because my first love is jazz. The leaves, the Autumn leaves!
I am not up for funny today, so much of this post will be a mix of glum and coffee.
Today my thoughts about life have changed like a girl with too much time in a Forever 21 dressing room. Thoughts on life should change of course, but I’m pretty sure I know where I’m going now and though I can usually roll with whatever comes, I’m not sure if want something different. Ha, that’s funny, I know that I can’t choose what comes. I can feel something coming, but I’m not sure what.
The thing about today is that I have felt like I’m in love all the day, but I am in love with no one. I am not sure how this feeling works or where it comes from, but that my heart thinks that I have someone to go home to. If it continues on like this it will be sorely disappointed. I fear for it, that it will easily be done in with this attitude and soon I will be making eggs hollandaise with prosciutto for some undeserving guy because my heart is confused. I will surely have to pray about this. Perhaps my heart is yearning for Seattle and I have misdiagnosed it, though it doesn’t feel so. As of yet I haven’t started missing my real life, I am still awaiting that. I wonder if I will miss it.
Today I went for a jog in Hyde Park so I could feel English wind on my face. I went so that I could feel my muscles work besides the way they do when I’m walking on the street. Running makes me feel like I’m strong, and can take on anything. The only problem is that one cannot run without food. I have never struggled before to eat enough as anyone that has seen me can tell, I have not gone without. Recently though, once I started the allergy free diet (now only gluten and dairy free) my appetite or thoughts on food have dwindled. I have barely remembered that I need to eat something to sustain life. Luckily on this morning I made sure to go buy a small salad comprised of fruit and two boiled eggs for protein. However, before I had the chance to eat I found myself stumbling down to the tube dizzy from what I believe to be low blood sugar. I almost fainted while I was in the tube, but as is my character, pressed on instead of going back. I headed directly to a bench at Hyde Park, enjoyed the sun, music, and my newly acquired food. Fortunately I began to revive.
I have to give myself constant reminders to eat enough here. Though I know I won’t waste away if I don’t eat much, I have to eat something. I am not a foodie, so I barely ever miss food. Mostly I look in windows and think, “oh look, there’s more food I can’t eat anyhow, so I might as well not care for it.” My preference however is to not fall down any escalator stairs going up or down from the tube.
Did I say that Hyde Park is beautiful? It is. It is a large expanse of green and trees, but I have to say it’s still not as beautiful as Seattle is everyday. Seattle is a gorgeous city. London does not have the landscape of Seattle, it is just very different and notable for its own characteristics. I am tired and can’t write much beyond this. Things are good. I just desire for the ways of my heart to change. For me to have the ability to tie it up neatly in a little box and give it away only when I desire. Funny thing is that I never feel things there. Do you? I feel everything in my stomach. Perhaps this is why I am not eating much. Who knows. The days will go on and I will see London and I will see France and your underpants?
1 comment:
November 25, 1944
This morning we were again briefed for Merseburg. You should have seen ours and the gunners’ long, sober faces. All had that certain feeling of facing death and wonder – suspense. The target was black with bursting shells. The squad above us really got plastered. We, through the grace of God, got only two holes in our plane. I suppose all of us are really learning what it means to pray – that it isn’t any fake. Again one B51 was shot down. Eight planes are missing from this group tonight. The time was eight hours. Altitude 27,000 feet.
November 29, 1944
Once again, and I hope for the last time, our target is Merseburg. One wonders just how many of these missions one is able to return from before his borrowed time runs out. It must be hot this morning. A person has to see the flak at this target to realize it. From afar it looks like one great black cloud of smoke and flying steel. This morning it’s rumored that its flak batteries have been greatly reinforced, until they are over 1,000.
As we hit the I.P. for the bomb run, flak started breaking up, creeping up until the next burst it seems would be dead center – then we would move over. Today four “Flying Fortresses” went up in a gray cloud of smoke, that I saw. All together 86 planes were lost over the target. I don’t know how many times we were hit, but I had six holes in the waist. One hit the floor under my feet, making an eight-inch tear in the metal and stung my feet, which fortunately were on a steel plate that I had laid down. As we were circling the field for a landing, two forts bumped together.
Post a Comment